Even though you were in no contact with your mother, I will say I’m very sorry for your loss. You will be grieving likely over the mother you wish you had. I have a love/hate relationship with mine. I was going to go no contact with her but by then she had fallen from grace and her ego was in check. She also had a massive heart attack that made her nice and supportive. But I won’t forgive her for being overly critical of me in my childhood and early adulthood. That’s why I am also not caring for her in her old age and I’m just clearly not caregiving material anyway.