I get it! I am in a similar situation. I wrote about it during the summer. You aren’t alone. In fact I have several articles to share just so you know you aren’t alone. https://medium.com/bouncin-and-behavin-blogs/i-am-grieving-over-not-having-a-typical-teenage-son-5a206d9e2d4b

https://medium.com/bouncin-and-behavin-blogs/i-gave-up-my-special-needs-son-and-it-was-the-best-decision-ever-a6cebfb97c66