You need to be selfish too and martyrdom will kill you. I was literally dying mentally and physically while being a caregiver to my special needs son. It was in everyone’s best interest for me to surrender him to a residential school at 13 and he will stay there. It pains me to see so many of these parents in their 70s frozen in time as they are tending to these “kids” as if they are in elementary school or worse, in diapers.